A sound investigation which could be improved with some simple scientific experimental procedure alterations.
1. Be clear of the aim of the investigation. It is clear that water will move in and out of the potato cell by osmosis, the aim of the experiment was to determine the solute concentration of the potato cell, which
was achieved. The conclusion should have focussed on this.
2. Try to avoid talking in first person throughout the paper instead of saying "I did this, then I did this..." write in third person "Firstly the potato cylinders were added to the sodium chloride solution, they were then left for 24 hours..."
3. Be consistent with terminology. If you refer to the potato cylinders as cylinders at the start of the paper call it this throughout the paper.
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Depending on the coursework you are completing, the criteria for accessing the very top marks differ. For rates of reaction, you are required to find the gradient of your graph; For osmosis and other biological investigations you are required to add error bars; still other investigations require statistical interventions such as Chi-Squared tests. Graphs are such easy places to pick up precious points that it would be foolish to not ask your teacher/lecturer/professor etc what the marking criteria are for the highest echelons. Don't waste marks by not asking - by following all the above advice, you have already attained 6/8 marks: now shoot for the last two!